


Hope Is A Dangerous Thing To Have

by hannahbanana8816



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-29 05:03:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19823104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahbanana8816/pseuds/hannahbanana8816
Summary: A little AU, of how Lucas and Eliott found back to each other, after THAT Wednesday (you all know, which I am talking about). Enjoy!





	Hope Is A Dangerous Thing To Have

**Author's Note:**

  * For [skamsnake](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skamsnake/gifts).



> Hello everyone! This is my first try at writing, so please don't be too harsh. All I have ever written has only ever been seen by my precious friend skamsnake, who is the absolute best and also my mentor when it comes to writing. This is also heavily inspired by her work "Cesar", which you should check out, like all of her other work, because it is amazing. So Snake, this is for you. Thank you for everything. <3

Eliott is lying on his bed, has been lying there for God knows how long, could have been hours, days, weeks- but who the hell cares. Who the hell cares about him not being able to breath through his tears, who the hell cares that he feels like there is an icy fist closing around his heart and lungs threatens to squeeze the life out of him. Probably not his parents, not Lucille, not his old friends (who aren’t his friends anymore) and most definitely not Lucas, who doesn't need crazy people in his life. 

Out of all people, Lucas not wanting him in his life, stings the most. His parents, his friends, Lucille- he has come to terms with him being a burden to them. Lucas though, sweet, shy, brave Lucas, who gave him the feeling of being seen, truly seen beyond his fucked up brain, beyond the shit that has happened during the last year. But no, of course someone as pure and beautiful as Lucas, could never belong to Eliott or even love him. 

Eliott was meant to be alone in the dark, he didn't deserve such a light as Lucas in his life. He thought, for a brief moment, that it was possible to be that happy. To be that alive. When he was standing under the pouring rain, kissing Lucas and then the next morning exploring each other in the soft morning light, he thought he finally found someone, who could truly and unconditionally love him with all his faults. Wishful thinking. That’s all it was though, because who could ever love him? Him with his fucked up brain, his stupid ideas, his stupid dreams, that will never come true, because he just doesn't have it in him to follow through with anything, ever. 

Eliott thinks about calling Lucille, telling her he is sorry and it was a mistake to end things, that he wants her back. He changes his mind though as he thinks of her understanding, even forgiving smile, like she expected this to happen. Like she expected Eliott's heart to be broken again, like she expected this to be another fruitless attempt of finding love, other than theirs. Eliott thinks he might be sick, just thinking about that satisfied little smirk of hers. No, he’d rather be alone than staying with someone who thinks of him like that. But he also can’t be with Lucas, because he doesn’t want, doesn’t need someone like Eliott in his life. So, Eliott does the only thing he can think of. He sends a text, it is short, it is cruel and it gets the job done, because he doesn’t hear from Lucas afterwards. He is grateful for it being over so quickly, so easy, no questions asked, just an agreeing silence from Lucas’ side. 

A small part of him though, wished for Lucas to fight, to let him know that he wants them to work, he hoped for Lucas to not let him go so easily, but alas, the one thing Eliott learned from the last couple of months is that hope is a very dangerous this for someone like him to have. 

What doesn’t seem like a dangerous thing to Eliott, is the bottle of vodka in his fridge with a side of leftover joint as dinner, as alternative to the pizza he wanted to order before. So that’s what he does, he locks himself in his apartment and gets shitfaced while listing to Queen on his record player. The memories of Lucas sitting on his couch, playing the piano for him and making him fall in love haunts him no matter how high and drunk he gets. 

He wakes up the next day, a friday he thinks, but doesn’t know for sure, but he finds a text from a classmate asking him to come to a party tonight, at Chloe's of all people. He laughs at the absurdity of it all, but maybe absurd is exactly what he needs, what he deserves. Absurd, not weird. No weird is something he (they) like. But he doesn't deserve weird, he just deserves absurd. Maybe him going to Chloe's tonight will get him yelled at by the hostess for stealing her “boyfriend”, or maybe even better, earn him a slap in the face just like he deserves. So he decides to text back his classmate, that yeah he is on board and will bring some weed. 

When Eliott gets there, he doesn't remember the last time he was that high, they pregamed at the place of a classmate, who’s name Eliott doesn't really remember. He is surrounded by people he doesn't know, doesn’t care about, in the house of a girl that probably wants to kill him with her bare hands, if she could. He laughs at the absurdity of it all. The laugh dies in his throat, when Eliott hears his voice. Lucas is yelling, arguing. With Chloe. 

They are standing in the middle of the overcrowded living room screaming at each other. Eliott can’t focus on what they are saying, because all he is seeing is Lucas’ beautiful eyes that are currently filled with a fire, the he doesn’t know how to categorize. Then he hears it “LUCAS, YOU ARE GAY!” and the blood freezes in his veins, as he sees the look in Lucas’ eyes. Before he can think about it, Eliott runs over to them.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” he yells at Chloe and Lucas looks at him like he is a ghost. 

“Perfect, our little love birds, both here” she sneers, “You can both just fuck of, right about now, just get the fuck out of my house!” 

Lucas turns around at that and flees the house, past his friends and Eliott? 

“Lucas, Lucas, Lucas, wait, wait for me-” Eliott follows him.

“What the FUCK do you want Eliott?!” Lucas yells as he turns around, making Eliott almost run into him. 

He looks furious and about to slap Eliott across the face, not that Eliott would blame him. He doesn't know what to say and that seems to make Lucas even angrier, as he pushes his chest, which makes him stumble back. 

He would have fallen to the ground if it weren't for a pair of strong arms that keep him from it. He turns his head and sees a guy, Lucas friend he thinks, he has seen him with Lucas around the school, dark skin and a nice smile, although he is not smiling right now. He looks worried. 

“What the fuck man, what’s your deal?” he asks. It’s directed at Lucas. 

He puts Eliott back on his feet, or he tries to at least, because Eliott is swaying, from the alcohol, the weed or the intensity of Lucas’ hateful stare towards him, he doesn't know. There are more people now, all of Lucas’ friends, surrounding them. 

“Yeah man, you’ve been acting weird and quite strange now, for a while. Ditching us, lying and now you are picking fights with random people? What the hell is going on with you, Lucas?” a blond guy with glasses practically screams. 

Eliott feels sick to his stomach and he’s pretty sure he’d be falling over if it weren’t for the other boy’s arms still holding him up. 

“What’s been up with me? What’s been going on with ME, you wanna know?! Well HE has been up with me! Why don’t you ask HIM, what’s going on with me?! Hmm, Eliott? What’s going on with me?! What happened that I’m suddenly not good enough for you anymore? Huh? What was it?!” Lucas yells at him, at them or at the world in general, Eliott isn’t sure. He just feels three pairs of eyes on him now, and the arms that were holding him up, loosen up and let him go. He tries to hold himself up, but he struggles. 

“You know what, I don’t give a fucking shit anymore. It was probably some fucking bet, or some fantasy you couldn’t live out with your girlfriend. Well congratulations, you did it! You outed the closeted gay. Yes, you guys are hearing me right, I am fucking gay! And this fucking asshole had a great time, fucking with me until it got serious. So here it fucking is, my fucking issue is that I am fucking gay!” Lucas is crying out of rage, Eliott assumes. He looks angry, scared and somewhat helpless. 

“Well here you go, it’s out. You can leave now. Freakshow is over” he turns and starts to run, but his friend, the dark one grabs him by the arm, but Lucas tries to wiggle out of it, without much success. 

“Lucas, what the hell are you talking about? Why would we leave? Why are you acting like that? What did he-” the guy sends Eliott a murderous look ”...do to you?!” 

“Aren’t you disgusted, that your best friend is gay?” Lucas asks, blinking through tears.

“What the fuck Lucas? Why’d you think that? You are our friend, no matter straight, gay, bi or whatever!” the blond one yells out. 

Lucas looks like a deer caught in headlights as all of his friends close in around him. Yann, Eliott thinks that’s his name, shakes Lucas’ shoulders. 

“Dude, we were only worried because you kept acting so strange. None of us here care who you like, as long as you are doing ok. And there is absolutely nothing to be disgusted about you being gay” 

“Exactly” the others nod in agreement. 

Eliott feels out of place watching the scene, as the four friends hug each other. He feels ashamed, that he played such a big part in Lucas’ outing and while he is glad that his friends seem to be there for him, no one ever should have to come out against their will. 

Eliott was right, Lucas is better off without him. He has to bite back the tears that threaten to spill over and he turns to leave on trembling legs. 

”Hold the fuck up, asshole. Do you think you can just leave like that? After fucking our friend over?! I don’t think so. You at least owe him an explanation” the third one, the one with the curly hair, yells at him. 

Eliott turns around and looks at them, looks at Lucas and his friends, a standing unit, a support system- like he will never have, because he fucks up everything he touches. Lucas deserves better, better than him, better than his fucked up brain and better than everything that comes with it. 

He wants to take one final look at Lucas’ beautiful eyes. He does, and the longer he keeps looking the fuzier he is feeling and the world around him starts spinning faster and faster. He feels sick and before he can do anything, he is vomiting all over himself and is losing his ground. He hits the ground pretty hard, but then there are hands on his cheeks. 

“Eliott, Eliott, hey look at me.” It’s Lucas. Looking down on him with concern in his eyes. 

“Hey guys, get him some water. Come on, hurry up” 

Lucas and his friend, Yann, are helping him sit up, when he starts throwing up even more on the pavement, this time. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I did it, because you deserve better, so much better than me” he mutters and hopes Lucas can hear him and from the look he is giving him he did.

Then there is a cup filled with water pressed to his lips, so he drinks and it soothes his aching throat a little and chases the sour taste of vomit away. 

“Should we call a cab, to take him home?” someone says, but Eliott can only focus on Lucas and the way his teary eyes look at him with concern and something like affection, or at least Eliott would like to think of it that way. 

Lucas nods and answers that he will take Eliott home. His friends exchange concerned looks at that and ask him if he is sure or if they should come with him, to which Lucas just shakes his head and tells them it’s fine. 

Everything happens in a blur after that. Eliott remembers a bumpy car ride and an exhausting and never ending climb of stairs up to his apartment until finally, he finds himself in his pajamas lying in his bed with Lucas sitting on his bedside, putting a glass of water and some pills on his bedside table. 

“You should take some of them and drink a little, if you don’t wanna die of a hangover tomorrow.” he smiles and starts to get up, “Goodnight, Eliott.” 

Eliott wants to cry at the thought of him leaving and maybe he is, because Lucas stops in his tracks and looks back down at him. 

“Please stay, let me explain. Please don’t leave-” 

“Eliott...” Lucas sighs quietly and Eliott swallows, but then he decides to be brave just for one moment. 

“It’s better like this, I am not good for you. You said it yourself, you don’t need crazy people in your life. And you were right, you don’t need them, you don’t need me. You deserve so much better than me and my fucked up brain. You deserve only the best and that’s not me.” He says it in a rush, because if he doesn't he might not get it out before he chickens out again. 

Lucas just stares at him, but sits back down on the bed and Eliott counts that as somewhat of a win.

“What are you talking about? I don’t understand..”

“You said, you don’t need crazy people in your life, Lucas and I am crazy. I am bipolar, Lucas. That’s why you need to stay away from me. I am not good for you.” 

He is crying at this point, sobbing even, but he doesn't care. All he cares about is Lucas’ shocked expression, as he looks at him with his ocean blue eyes. 

“No, no, no Eliott” there is a hand on Eliotts’ cheek, wiping away the tears, “I don’t deserve better than you and you are not crazy. Neither is my mother. I’m sorry for what I said. My family is complicated, but what is not complicated are my feelings for you. I like you so much, that my chest feels like it’s exploding every time I look at you. You have to believe me.” 

Eliott wants to, more than anything in the world. He wants to believe that Lucas and him have a future, even with Lucas knowing about his fucked up brain. 

“We can do this Eliott, we can do it. Together. Do you hear me?” 

Eliott does, but he can’t stop crying and he has trouble breathing through the lump in his chest.

“Shhh, shh, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s all gonna be ok” Lucas whispers. 

When Lucas moves, Eliott clings to him afraid that he’ll leave despite everything Lucas just said. Lucas just smiles down at him and gently removes himself from his grip. 

What he does next confuses Eliott a little. He removes first his jacket and then his shoes, lastly his jeans and then he climbs over Eliott and lies in bed behind him, hugs him from behind and whispers in his ear, “Shh, just calm down. We’ll talk in the morning. I’ll be here and everything will be alright. We’ll work through this Eliott. Just sleep, I won’t leave, I promise”

Eliott just nods at that and tightens his hands around Lucas’ hands on his chest. 

The last thing he feels before drifting off, after Lucas has shut off the light, is a soft almost non-existing kiss to his temple and for the first time in forever he dares to let himself have hope. Let himself believe that maybe hope isn’t the most dangerous thing to have after all, even for people like him.

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the Goddess Lana del Rey herself. Thank you for reading this. Comments and feedback, in general, are greatly appreciated. <3


End file.
